Dear Morning,

I hate you most of the time. Your arch nemesis, Night, is super cool and fun. What do you have to offer? On the rare occasions that I meet you before 8am, I leave the experience feeling miserable. You are for the birds, foolish Morning, the birds! 

Having expressed myself truly, I must inform you that I’m considering an experiment. It involves us getting to know one another. Will you ever be as alluring as night? What will you bring out of me? Will the world wish to return me to Night when they see the beast that is Jenni Raine up with Morning? Be warned though Morning! If there is anyone who likes you less than I do, it’s Jordan. You may have seen him in our bed - he’s that guy that sleeps really close to me. He might have a few choice words for you.

Don’t go blabbing about this to Afternoon until I have made my decision. 

Never yours (but maybe soon),

Jenni

P.s. the only reason I am even considering you is that I am currently a bit of a lazy, grumpy bear in the evening. I think Night is a bit ashamed to know me right now. You might just be what I need to get me through this next month. 

Since being married, I have changed the way that I eat several times.

• I went to a naturopath who told me I was allergic/sensitive to a million foods (which seems to be what naturopaths tell everyone, am I wrong?) – so Jordan learned how to prepare meals that were dairy, gluten, soy, and sugar free.
• I learned about factory farms, additives in meat, and environmental costs of meat production and I stopped eating meat. Jordan got used to not having meat in the house and learned how to make vegetarian meals.
• I decided that wheat was probably not the source of my issues, reintroduced it, but still lived mostly dairy free. Jordan adjusted accordingly.
• I often do “NO WHITE (flour/rice/sugar) challenges” or cleanses of some variety, and Jordan accommodates for whatever I can or can’t eat that day. 

Phew. What a guy. And the girl? What a pain.

A few things are changing in my mind right now. Things relating to how I eat, which most people reading this won’t and shouldn’t really care too much about, but I am documenting it for my own reflection in the future. Orthorexia nervosa is a thing. Haven’t heard of it? Do a quick google search and you’ll basically learn that it is disordered and isolating eating that is focused on “right” or “pure” eating. While I don’t really fall into that camp, the idea that it even exists brings two thoughts to mind.

One. We are incredibly privileged if we can be so picky. Much of the world isn’t concerned with what they eat as much as if they eat.

Two. This desire to clean up our eating likely stems from seeing how messed up the western food system has become. 

Eating is personal. And communal. And special. And mundane. How do us privileged eaters of the world find balance?

I want to continue to let my plate “vote” for better food production. I want to make food choices that help my body and mind. I want to have a more moderate view of food. I want to eat in such a way that brings Jordan and I to the same page. And for the first time ever, I want to be the one taking a step to accommodate for how Jordan wishes to eat. 

The members of our house are becoming weekday vegetarians*. How anti-climactic is that? Well, it just means that we will be introducing organic/non-factory-farmed (read expensive and/or privileged) meat on weekends. I’m sure this food journey will continually change, but that’s where I am right now. There are several reasons for this decision, which I am happy to explain should anyone be curious. 

*Weekday vegetarians is a term from this TED talk I saw two years ago. What I particularly liked, outside of the talk, was that Jordan liked the more balanced view of vegetarianism. 

My birthday this year was really great. 

My day (for future remembering purposes):

1. Woke up to waffles!
2. Got a pre-work gift (Cuppow!)
3. Got a gift and sweet card from my co-worker friend.
4. Came home to a choose your own adventure birthday plan. 
5. Got a Jawbone UP! and a couple other things even.
6. Went for vegan pho.
7. Got free cinnamon buns curtesy of Cob’s Bread!
8. Watched Harry Potter and had a living room sleepover (the best). 

My friends and family made me feel so loved. People don’t seem to like birthdays very much as they get older, but I think every year I like mine more and more. That may have something to do with the amazing people I seem to keep adding to my life. I’m the luckiest! 

P.s. Jordan is the best.

All right, so this may very well be my cheesiest post so far, but this is something I have been thinking an awful lot about this past month or so. I have decided to become a smile ambassador.

I have been running a lot more lately, and noticing that fewer people nod, smile, or say hello. My initial response was to fit in and pretend to not see the person walking past, or to choose that as the exact moment when my eyes needed a break from looking up (?), but I’ve since decided that this is silly. Since becoming a smile ambassador, I’ve made a conscious effort to at least smile at each person I see. In the name of truthful story telling, I will report that I quite rarely get a returned smile, but when I do IT IS WONDERFUL! Because so few people seem to appreciate my smiles, I have decided that it is simply a matter of confusion. I surprise smiled them, but next time they’ll be better prepared.  

Here are two stories of hope to encourage smiling:

1.  I passed a really sour faced woman the other day, and I was certain my smile would not be well received. She looked as though she hadn’t slept for weeks, and that all of the muscles in her face had decided to give up. Well lo and behold, I smiled at her and her whole face lit up as she smiled beautifully back at me. She looked like a different woman!
2. I was running past an elderly couple and I smiled at them as I approached. The smile they returned prompted me to take out my earphones. The man gently said, “I sure wish I could run like you,” to which I explained why I was running. I then told him it was great that they were out walking. Looking to his fragile wife on his arm, he said, “Yes, I’m a very lucky man. Keep up your hard work!”

It is only Tuesday, but it has been a heavy-hearted week so far. I think our communities could benefit from a few smile ambassadors out on the streets. I’m not naïve enough to think that smiles will change the world, but I do think they have the potential to change a single moment of a day. How that changed moment will ripple out, I’ll never know, but I don’t think that really matters. Join with me, fellow people of this earth in offering your beautiful smiles as gifts to strangers.  

My good friend Brian designed this new How I See logo for me. I wasn’t so sure if he’d be into doing it, but I decided to ask him anyways. Turns out he was super on-board and put in a lot of effort to making something great. It was pretty fun to try to explain my style to someone. I used words like “cutesy, vintage-y, pretty” and he made a beautiful logo based on those words and a few inspiration photos. I think he did a wonderful job!

Brian has recently started doing graphic design as a freelancer. He’ll do well on this cool adventure, I know it. Check out his work at brianholt.ca.

I often count my lucky stars that I now have sisters. I do not see them nearly as often as I would like, but they are such sweet parts of my life. I sometimes feel a bit sad that I do not have many girl friends in close proximity to me, but then I remember those two precious girls who are close to me in my heart. Our texts, chats, and hugs mean an awful lot to me. Yes indeed.  Anyways, this post is for them. Dairy and wheat have caused the three of us some tummy woes in the past few years, and though I now eat wheat in moderation, I like to try all sorts of recipes that leave it out. I also bought a mini muffin tray, which needed to be used to create adorable teeny muffins ASAP. I used a recipe as a template for these, but I had gone so off course by the end, I feel like I can almost claim them as my own.  

Sister Heart Muffins

• ½ cup of oats
• ½ cup of milk substitute (almond is my preference)
• 1 cup coconut flour*
• 2 ½ tsp. baking powder
• ½ tsp. baking soda
• ¼ tsp. salt
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 2 large bananas (mashed)
• ½ cup honey
• 1 egg
• ¼ cup of apple butter (applesauce would work)
• ¼ cup of dark chocolate chips 

*I have a funny relationship with coconut flour. I like the flavour of it, but the texture has ruined many a baked item for me. I think the mini muffins are a good place for coconut flour, except they don’t make the prettiest muffins known to man.

Mix the oats and milk in a smaller bowl and set aside to allow the oats to soak up the milk.

Add the dry ingredients in a larger bowl, and mix. Add the wet ingredients and the soggy oats (mmm). Mix it all together. At this point I added a bit more milk and water to try to get a thinner batter, but that darn coconut flour is like a Bounty-strength liquid picker upper. I baked at 400F for 15 minutes, but our oven is a bit finicky. Keep an eye on them. 

Why yes, I did get a gift of roses today. From a 9-year-old.  

I needed something to get me out of a winter health rut, so I signed up for a TRX program. Sadly, it was cancelled so instead I signed up for a half marathon, and decided I would also find a training program to do on my own. DID I EVER! I found Nike Training Club, which is a free app for your phone. This app is loaded with workouts for different levels and different goals. The best part for me is that the workouts are pre-designed and I just have to press start.The app talks me through the whole session. If I don’t know how to do the exercise, I just watch a little video. 

Now, I am not really in the habit of raving about apps, but these workouts have kicked my butt! There is a beginner, intermediate, and advanced level and on day one I decided to give intermediate a go. To be perfectly honest, I actually thought I would do one or two intermediate workouts and move right along to advanced pretty quickly. Having played soccer for many years, and having run a couple half marathons and other races, I always consider myself an athlete. Even when I have just come off a couple lazy months of eating poorly, I think I got this. Well, reader friends, I was in for a shock. I kept pausing the workout to gasp rather embarrassingly for air, and let my heart rate calm back down. After feeling like a winded contestant on the Biggest Loser (which I unashamedly LOVE) I humbly walked myself into a beginner level workout for day two.

Why am I writing this? Because maybe someone who reads this needs motivation to workout, but doesn’t want to spend lots of money. I honestly think this app is awesome for me, so I thought I would share.

Here’s to good health and endorphins! Or as I wish they were called: endolphins.  

Have you ever been frustrated that every question seems to have two really possible, usually conflicting answers? If not, it is because you are a black and white person. For me, though, things don’t typically work that way. I tend to see both sides of an argument, find them both really compelling, and then remain stuck, unable to choose.  While this makes me perhaps a bit wish-washy grey (“perhaps, a bit, maybe”), it is often an advantage for communicating with others and for accepting opinions.

Here are some serious (and not so serious) examples that people debate:

• Wait, are grains good for you or bad for you?
• Is money a good thing?
• Grey or gray? 
• For goodness sake can you get complete protein without meat?
• Should we legalize potentially harmful substances?
• Who the flyin’ chess master should I vote for?
• Is God real, or no?
• Is it better the rent or own in this current financial market?
• What’s better, a shower or a bath?
• Are naturopaths totally flakey?
• Should I take vitamins, or should food be my vitamins?
• Is getting a flu shot bad for you?
• Is it always wrong to (fill in the blank with a moral issue*)?

Some people will read this list and have an answer for most questions. Others, like me, don’t jump so quickly, and wait for more information to make the decision easier.  WELL, I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT MORE INFORMATION DOES NOT HELP! Okay, that’s not always true, but very often, the more I dig into a topic the more it seems like there are experts on both sides of the coin ready to prove every opposing idea wrong. 

So maybe the black & white team just realized this sooner and decided to make a leap in one direction that felt best. Is it so? Should one then continue to reinforce the current position, or should one allow information from the other side to weigh in? Do you ever stop deciding and just know? Questions often breed more questions!

This post may seem like it was born in a time of deep reflection and inner turmoil, but in fact, I was just researching the pros and cons of cleanses.  May your insides be well, dear person reading, however you so choose!   

 *For the record, it is NEVER wrong to fill in the blank with a moral issue. Only sometimes.